The Life of Surrender

I absolutely love a good hymn. I have been wearing out my Joey + Rory Hymns That Are Important to Us album and every song on there speaks to my heart and soul.  When I sing I Need Thee Every Hour I have been feeling that it is what my life should look like but it isn’t always what my life actually looks like.

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee; Every hour I need Thee; 

Oh, bless me now, my Savior! I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, Stay Thou near by;

Temptations lose their power When Though art nigh.

We have been watching some Joyce Meyer broadcasts and on one she talked about having trouble brushing her hair and she felt like God was telling her to ask for help brushing her hair.  At first, she didn’t want to ask for help, but later decided to.  I think my initial thought is that God doesn’t want to hear from me on the trivial stuff.  What I am coming to realize is that when I bring everything to God, he will choose to work through me.

Just last week I was searching for items in my house in two different instances.  I was looking for my one year old’s shoes and my oldest daughter’s library book.  In both instances, I stopped searching frantically and sat down and prayed about it for a few seconds.  In the case of the shoes, it took a little bit. In the case of the library book, I found it a few seconds later.  If I were a betting person, I don’t think I would have found the library book right then had I not stopped to ask God’s help for it.

We wrote a family mission statement and the first thing we need to remember is to humbly acknowledge our brokenness and rely on God’s strength.  I love that relying on God is the first item on our mission statement.  I feel like we can’t accomplish the other items until we are able to rely on Him. I have the best intentions to not rely on my strength, but on His.  I can wake up in the morning fully aware of God’s presence in my life and completely forget by the time I walk out the door.  Just yesterday I was sitting in church struggling with my children’s behavior and not even thinking to ask God for help!

I have seen what God’s power can do in our lives.  I have seen God work through people in amazing ways, but he is not going to do it if we don’t go to him for help.  Going back to the song lyrics: I Need Thee Every Hour.  I am not sure that there has been a day in my life where I have been focused on God every hour.  I think there have been scary times for my family if someone is in the hospital or we are waiting to hear test results where I am very aware of God’s presence in my life and then things work out and I go on with my day depending on myself.  How arrogant and entitled I must seem to him.   Still, he wants me.

With November being the  month where we focus on thankfulness and how much we have, I also want to focus on how much I need God.  I am going to try to say a little prayer when the clock strikes every hour.

I want to say:

Dear Jesus, another hour is passing in this day and I need you.  I need you every hour.  Please help me to work for you and not myself.  Please help me to fix my eyes on you.
I love you,

AMEN

My hope is that God will be an even bigger part of my day and my life.  I want him to be my whole life. Peter and I have been reading in Matthew and Jesus has some pretty intense things to say about our lives:

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.  Matthew 10:37-39

I have tried too many times to count to “find my life” in myself and my own pursuits.  I have tried to find my life in relationships and circumstances.  It is time that I find my life in Jesus Christ because I do need him every hour.

There are times in my life where I feel like God is allowing me to walk through something because he knows that it will bring me closer to him.  I usually refer to these times as pruning from John 15.

Tonight while driving home with our one year old shrieking from the back seat, I realized how much we have grown in parenthood.  She had thrown her favorite blanket on the ground, (which she does repeatedly every car ride.)  This time her blanket was trapped in an area that I couldn’t reach.  She started crying hysterically when she realized that I wasn’t making a move to get it.  As I sat there listening to her pleas for help, I realized how far we have come in parenthood.  About five years ago, when our oldest was a baby, I would have had a hard time letting her cry.  I didn’t enjoy when she was uncomfortable and it absolutely made me fall apart when I felt like there was nothing I could do to help her feel comfortable.

As our one year old cried, I thought to myself, I think it’s okay for her to cry and feel disappointed.  In fact, it may even be good for her to experience a little discomfort.  There is no doubt that all 3 of our children are going to get knocked down by the world at some point.  How much better will it be for them when the world comes to break them, if they have felt a little discomfort in the safety of our parenting.  I want them to know that their dad and I love them, but we aren’t able, and won’t, provide them complete happiness 100% of the time.

It is very easy to spoil our children and give them things or allow them to get away with behaviors because it makes them happy.  The problem with this is that they don’t understand that we live in a sinful world.  We need discipline and a lifeline to God to make it through to our eternal home.  They don’t understand that if we give them everything they want, it won’t lead them down the path to happiness.  They don’t know that these things they are chasing are not what is best for them.  It is then our responsibility as parents to guide them to what they do need.  Are they going to be unhappy with us?  Absolutely!  Will they thank us for it later?  Probably not, but we can always hope :).  Do I feel like it will lead them to a closer relationship with God?  Yes.  I think that is the ultimate goal, isn’t it?  I would certainly allow my children to walk through some disappointment, hurt, and plenty of other yucky feelings if I felt like they were walking to God on the other side of it.

I do know that it is terribly hard to allow our children to walk through these things.  I think it is hard for God to see us walk through hard things as well.  I am pretty sure that we would love having our kids come to us for comfort when it is all said and done and even through the process.  God is wanting the same thing from us.  When life gets hard, He is there.  He is willing to walk us through all the hard stuff to get to Him.  How much better it feels on the other side when we can run into our loving Father’s arms for comfort.

So dear children of mine, are there going to be times when your dad and I allow you to walk through hard stuff without rescuing you?  Yes, there will be plenty of times and those days are going to be hard on all of us.  Just know that we love you unconditionally and that you will have a deeper understanding of God’s unconditional love for you as well.  An easy life is not always the most life giving.  Walk the hard roads and lean into your Creator when you do.  We love you!

Yesterday was one of those days.  I am sure you know the ones.  It seemed like Peter and I were carrying one kid off to time out on repeat and then when one would settle down, the next one started in.  Ugh!  There was lots of disobedience, whining, crying, and just general anger/crabbiness.  I felt like I held my cool for awhile and then I came unglued and was crabby, whiny, and angry.  I didn’t deal with my children’s disobedience in the way that God is calling me to deal with it.

When my children are having rough days with their behavior I seem to end up sinning by acting in anger, expecting my children to behave well and stay self-controlled when I am not, and not taking a break and praying before dealing with their behavior.

Then I feel the shameful thoughts and fears and worries rush in:  I am a terrible mother, I am worried about my children’s souls (Thanks, Mom, for that line!), and I just feel like God is ashamed of me and I am a failure to him.

I have been trying to surrender my emotions to God but sometimes it feels like he is so far away.  I think after days like yesterday it is easy to slip into guilt and shame.  I know that God does not want me to run from him.  I know that he wants me to repent and draw near.  So that is what I am doing.  I am laying down my sins and my fears.